When I was growing up all I ever said was "I'm gonna be a farmer when I grow up". It's no wonder I said that since the only people I was exposed to at a young age were mostly Amish. So I didn't really know any different. I surely wasn't going to be an electrician at the mill like my dad, And mom didn't go to work until we were all in school full time. Even as I grew and was more exposed to other professions I still stuck to my farmer career. I remember standing in my dad's garage and him lecturing me. He said "you can't be a farmer", farmers don't make a good living". But you know parents, dumb as rocks and don't know anything.
My friend Melissa has two Boer billy goats. She's been wanting to get two females to breed. She finally found some on Craig's List she was interested in and her being a gas patch widow as am I, she recruited me to make the journey with her to get them. I also talked my Bestie Jen into going along too. So I tell willie we're making the trip. "your not bringing one home are you?" He asks. I pause, "I don't think so". "Wrong answer" he says.
So Melissa picks me up in her quad cab, 8ft bed chevy pickup, and her blue rubber barn boots. I climb in with my hot pink rubber farm boots and we're off to pick up Jen. Jen climbs in with her sketcher tennies, aero shirt and good jeans. We yell at her "Why are you dressed up to go farming?" She screams back "Cuz I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to wear, I don't farm". We like to scream!
So off we go, the three of us and Karen. She is the GPS, named after Planktons wife on Sponge Bob because they have the same voice. We travel the back roads of south Butler, praying to arrive safely due to Melissa's driving. We arrive at our destination. As we pull closer to the house, we are bombarded with a menagerie of animals. Dogs, chickens, guineas, geese, goats, llamas, donkey's, pigs, kids, ect. We are cracking up at the hilarious vision in front of us.
We end up bringing three female goats home. And even with Melissa's 8ft truck bed, she proceeds to lay out a tarp on the back seat to bring them home. We all think she's a little touched. We start our journey home. I make her stop along 422 because I have to pee so bad. Well, the goats knew it was a pee break and started peeing all over the back seat. Jen is screaming "Oh my God, Oh my God, how gross". Well, a goat can't pee with out dropping some pellets too. Jen screams louder. I'm glad I'm done peeing or I would've peed my pants laughing. We need to stop at Tractor Supply and get some supplies. So we leave them in the truck while we shop. We're hungry, so we go into Pizza Hut and order pizza. Remember, I am still in my hot pink rubber boots and we all wreak of Goat and god knows what else. With that being said, I still think we were overdressed for the general Kittanning population.
We arrive home. I carry one goat into the barn. Jen grabs another crying and screaming because they are covered in pee and turds. Her goat senses her anxiety and decides to buck and kick. She keeps hold of it and throws it in the barn. The third is still in the truck bawling. Well, the two immediately crawl under the gate and start running through the field. I chase after them. I'm screaming "they're running away" as I'm chasing them through the pitch dark. Melissa starts running her pregnant butt up to the house screaming for the men to come and help. They are less then thrilled. I herd them back towards the barn and one runs toward Jen. She surprises us all by diving at the goat, face planting in cow manure, as the goat jumps over her and runs away. Now she is less then thrilled. We eventually capture all three and decide to lock them in the garage for the night until we can close in the barn better.
We all were so proud of Jen, the non-farmer. So next month we are taking her back to the goat farmer because she has decided she wants a pig.
too funny!! i love it!
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